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Archive for October, 2008

Remarkable Competition Results

Posted by Helper Worm on October 31st, 2008

Remarkable CompetitionWe are able to announce the winner of this limited edition, highly coveted, hand-made silkscreen print (see image, right) signed by both Bill and award winning artist, Joe Magee, to commemorate Bill’s recent collaboration with Anne Dudley and the BBC Concert Orchestra at the Royal Albert Hall (and what a collaboration it was).

And, in no particular order, the lucky winner is…..

(French horn fanfare…)

…Simon Stockbridge!

Simon won by providing the judges with a remarkably good answer to the question:

Q. In no more than 10 words:
What’s going on in Bill’s X-Ray head?

Simon: Left untreated, the adult tinselworm responds poorly to keyhole surgery.

Simon’s signed print is winging its way to him as we speak. In addition to this, Bill has awarded the accolade of “highly commended” to two runners up who will each receive a programme from the Royal Albert Hall shows, signed by Bill. They are (in no particular order other than alphabetized by surname)…

Pat Harkin: Bill thinks “Ten words? That’s not much. How will anyone
Deborah Martin: The result of a disagreement with Anne Dudley

We’d like to say a big thank you for the cyber-sack loads of entries we received. They made us laugh, cry, emit strange noises and sometimes wonder what question it was that we actually asked in the first place. Here’s a selection of just some of the ludicrous and phantasmagorical entries:

Analysing bubbles, marginalising troubles, philosophical osmosis, musical halitosis!

I think this tinnitus is getting worse!

why are plums purple, planning a casserole, Japanese zoo keepers

badgers, bees, badgers, bees, badgers, bees…HUH!…french what?…worms

J’aime mon klaxon!


An ocular orchestral overture of obvious occipital ovation.

Bill is thinking “I’ve never seen a Womble break-dance”

Input: View on life. Processes: rotary valve system. Output: Genius

Must buy a new case for my French horn

cranium euphonium in beardium

to get that out he’ll have to root-it-toot!

the hobbits are taking over the asylum!

On the bright side, at least it isn’t a bassoon

constantly peering into people’s luggage, assessing their contents for toasties

a dog eating a crunchy pringle sandwich on a unicycle

Never argue with an emo in Starbucks

A cerebral cacophony, culminating in a crescendo of clown cars

Bill had A# (a sharp) pain in the head

ah the morphing monkeys catch my attention from within trees

Remarkable Competition – last few days to enter

Posted by Helper Worm on October 28th, 2008

What's going on in Bill's X-Ray head?From the poetic and sublime to the more normal absurd and ridiculous, here are a few of the very many remarkable answers we’ve had in response to the question, What’s going on in Bill’s X-Ray head?

– Bill thinks “Ten words? That’s not much. How will anyone

– An ocular orchestral overture of obvious occipital ovation.

– Analysing bubbles, marginalising troubles, philosophical osmosis, musical halitosis!

– Left untreated, the adult tinselworm responds poorly to keyhole surgery.

– To answer would be like pulling back God’s shower curtain.

– I can see clearly now the brain has gone

– Consume. Create. And betwixt the two – muck about a bit.

– Ahh, Nottingham. Now that was a great gig!

– J’aime mon klaxon!

– I think this tinnitus is getting worse!

If you have not already done so, you may still enter the competition. The window of opportunity for this does not closeth until the clock striketh 12 noon on Friday 31st October. Thereafter, the very clever winner will NOT turn into a pumpkin, but shall receive a highly sought after handmade Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra screen print by Joe Magee, signed at the Royal Albert Hall by Bill and Joe (these screen prints are becoming even more limited by the day). The WINNER will be announced in Friday’s Newsletter (perhaps even with a link to enable you to be privy to more ludicrous answers).

Enter the competition now here

These handmade screen prints not only look amazing but will become highly collectable and, in case you are unable to wait to see whether you win or not, you can obtain one for yourself or as a gift right now, directly from the shop before they have all gone. Remarkably, each print is unique with its very own number from a limited print run of only 250. Just picture your descendants queuing up with it on the 2108 series of the Antiques Roadshow. But, although he’s helped to create an heirloom, we’re sure that Bill would rather have conjured up a hair loom….

A Big Thank You from Good Vibrations

Posted by Helper Worm on October 24th, 2008

A big thank you to everyone who contributed to the collection at the recent Royal Albert Hall gigs.

Bill’s fans raised a massive £3,682.10 which will greatly help towards the work of the charity in their Gamelan in Prisons Project.

Of the project, Bill says “I decided to include this charity in the Royal Albert Hall programme because I think it’s a fascinating and worthwhile project….and also because many aspects of it strike a personal chord with me.”

“I have a strong connection with Indonesia – I’ve travelled there for many years and during one of these visits I was taught the basics of gamelan and played with a gamelan orchestra. I’m drawn to the otherness of it, the strangeness and the fact that playing it is unlike any Western musical form. It ebbs and flows, has no real beginning or end, and while plating it I find the concentration required combined with the rippling sound is akin to meditation. It is relatively easy to start playing and get pleasing results, so I can see how it could provide a sense of achievement. I have also done stand-up gigs in prisons, and have seen how performance can have a positive effect.”

Good Vibrations Founder and Project Director Cathy Eastburn explained how the money would be used. “We will put the money towards three up-and-coming Good Vibrations projects (the host prisons also pay something towards the costs). These will be at Peterborough Prison (working with Vulnerable Prisoners), Low Newton prison near Durham (working with female prisoners) and another TBC. Each project will be a one-week, full-time intensive gamelan project with a group of between 15-20 prisoners. They will learn to play traditional Javanese gamelan music and also create their own compositions as a group, using the gamelan instruments. Each project will culminate in an informal performance in front of an audience.”

“By taking part in such a communal and accessible group activity, participants will develop crucial life skills such as team-working, communication, creative thinking, concentration and applying themselves. These are skills that many prisoners lack and which are absolutely vital: for getting and holding onto a job on release, for making positive friendships while in prison and making the most of their time there, and for successful family relationships.”

“For many participants, a Good Vibrations project is the first time in their lives they have succeeded at something and had a positive experience in a group setting, so the projects have a real impact on people’s self-confidence and motivation to go on to do other constructive things in prison (such as education courses, Offending Behaviour Programmes, getting a job in a workshop, and other arts courses). And the benefits will last – we are just about to publish an independent evaluation report of our work which shows that the benefits for participants are still very much in evidence at least 6 months after doing one of our projects.”

Good Vibrations is part of the Firebird Trust (a registered charity) and is funded by Arts Council England, the Linbury Trust, the LankellyChase Foundation, the Mercers’ Company, the Northmoor Trust, the Trusthouse Charitable Foundation, the Tudor Trust and the Worshipful Company of Musicians as well as by the host prisons themselves.

More information on the project can be found at

Thank you again for supporting this extremely worthy cause.

Ear, ear…Wednesday 15 October

Posted by Helper Worm on October 14th, 2008

Keep an ear out tomorrow morning between 6-9am. No, there’s not a Morris Dancing milk thief in your neighbourhood; Bill will be on Heart 106.2 fm’s breakfast show chatting with Alan Davies. Who knew breakfast could be such fun?

Catch him if you can…

Posted by Helper Worm on October 10th, 2008

Saturday 11 October
Listen to Bill on Loose Ends at 6.15pm on BBC Radio 4. Presented by Clive Anderson, rumour has it that Glen Campbell (apparently nothing to do with soup) and human beatbox, Schlomo, will also be guests on the show. Later on, Bill will be on Russell Brand’s BBC Radio 2 show, which kicks off at 9pm.

Sunday 12 October
Bill will be joining Tim Lovejoy in the kitchen on Something for The Weekend at 10am on BBC 2. Sitting on the sofa will also be confirmed guest Ne-Yo. Will you be able to handle this juxtaposition?

Monday 13 October
Catch Bill on Colin Murray’s Radio 1 show at 11pm. Tune in to see what Bill’s 5 specially chosen tracks are.

Bill on the Beeb (Thursday)

Posted by Helper Worm on October 8th, 2008

For those of you who’d like a Thursday Bill fix, Mr. Bailey can be spotted at the following locations on Thursday 9 October:

06.00am BBC1 on Breakfast
…although I shouldn’t imagine he’ll be on at the crack of dawn…more likely in the last hour.

11.35pm BBC 1 on This Week
For those of you on the late shift of Bill watch.

Tinselworm comes to London town!

Posted by Helper Worm on October 3rd, 2008

TinselwormFollowing a sell-out arena tour of the UK in 2007 and a sell-out tour of New Zealand and Australia in 2008, Tinselworm returns to the UK for a run at The Gielgud Theatre, London from November 10th 2008, although with (it is assumed) at least some time off for him to spend some time with his nearest and dearest over the primary gifting period and auxiliary generosity zone.

As in any Bill Bailey show, the subject matter is broad ranging; tattoos, marketing, doorbells, Emo, creationism, post-war banking secrecy, travellers’ tales and the alternate reality that is Bill’s world – spun together with the sparkling thread of a seasonal invertebrate.

It has all the trademark Bailey elements; lyrical dexterity, tangential silliness and musical brilliance plus animation by award-winning film maker, Joe Magee, all of which combine to make this a verbal and visual treat.

This will be the last time you’ll be able to see this show before Bill puts it to bed.

UPDATE – 06/10/2008

Tickets are now on general sale and can be purchased from the box office on 0844 482 5130 or online from the Venue Booking System.